My First Buddhist Funeral

Well I have some sad news. Lookyee's (one of the TAs at my school) mother has passed away. She was quite ill for some time and Lookyee has told me she was prepared in her heart for her mother's passing, but it is quite sad all the same. There are many different funeral customs it seems, all depending on money and status. I have heard some stories that may appear quite maccabre to our Western conservative tastes, so I wasn't quite sure what I was getting myself into. Still, I wanted to show my support and I will admit, I was more than a little curious.
We took up a collection at the school so that we could offer the family some assistance for the funeral expenses - the ceremonies can last up to a week and all members of the family are expected to be present each day - and I was asked if I would like to join the other TAs and the owners when they went to pay their respects. Of course all I had on was my casual teacher wear, but they said this would be acceptable. I later found out that it is tradition to wear black and white (I was wearing beige capris and a brown t, so luckily I wasn't too far off). James, the head teacher, had also decided to attend, but the other teachers weren't able to make it - many of them have tutoring jobs on the side.
We got a ride with the owner, not nearly as terrifying as taxi rides, but a little harrowing nonetheless (careening around corners going 140 and seeing the guy in front slam on his brakes could break anyone into a sweat!).
When we arrived at the temple we took off our shoes and were seated in rows of plastic chairs. We had passed the family on our way in, but no one really stopped to say their condolences or share tearful hugs and kisses. Children came around offering water and everyone seemed rather cheerful and were chatting away. We weren't in a room with a Buddha image like the pictures of temples you may see in other blog entries, but in a side building that was open on one side. Despite the heat and humidity it was quite comfortable sitting in the building - there were ceiling fans and a nice breeze coming from somewhere.
Off to one side there were 5 or 6 monks sitting behind a small altar with a small flower arrangement and ceremonial candles. In front lay the casket . . . I am assuming. There was a huge altar that just seemed to keep going up and the different levels were different colours of whites and golds, so I am not sure exactly where the body was being held. The altar was beautifully decorated with a picture of the deceased, traditional offerings, flowers, etc. and on either side were flower arrangements and flower wreaths given by friends, family, employers, etc. I wish I had my camera so I could show you what I saw, my description is not doing it justice. And no, apparently that wouldn't have been inappropriate because more than one person was videotaping everything. I am not really sure what you do with a copy of funeral events, but I had been told that this is quite commonplace.
The ceremony began with some chanting by the monks followed by family members bringing up new monk's robes to the main alter. I am not sure if this is some kind of offering to the monks to thank them for the ceremony or what, I was sitting beside James who was as in the dark as I was.
After the robes were all brought up we were all given a paper lotus flower. The flowers were placed in a basket and each person had to pick their own. We then lined up and went up to the alter one by one placing our flower on the altar and saying prayers or blessings. I followed along what the others were doing and placed my flower delicately down and then gave a Wei (bow with the hands held in a prayer position to the chin. This is a traditional Thai greeting and sign of respect). Stepping off the alter we walked passed the family - again bowing to the family - and then recieved a gift. It is tradition to recieve something from the family, and here we were all given a towel shaped like a crane with candies inside.
With that the ceremony was over. As this was the last day of the funeral ceremonies the body was going to be taken to be cremated. I do not know if they have some kind of wake or something after because we headed back to the school.
When we were out of the temple the Thai women we were with began to explain some of the occurences. When the children were passing out the basket of lotus flowers we had noticed at one point someone giving back their flower and picking a new one. Apparently what we didn't see was that someone else had picked the flower and given it to her. She was a little unsure in her description, but from what I can gather each person must pick their own flower. If someone picks a flower and gives it to you it is "like she cremates you". I guess all the flowers are cremated with the dead so that everyones blessings and offerings are cremated too, and picking your own flower to offer is an important part of this.
Sorry I am not more knowledgable about the events I just witnessed, but I wanted to get them down while they were fresh in my mind. I left the temple with a very peaceful and serene feeling, a quiet heart they would say here. I am very sad for Lookyee, but am thankful for the opportunity of witnessing her mother's funeral. It is very humbling to experience another culture that does not share the same past or the same beliefs and note that at the end of the day the ceremony was not very different from our own.